Guess what? It’s time to ditch the flippin’ mum guilt!
We’ve all been there and we’ve all felt it, the nagging guilt of inadequacy that comes with motherhood.
When you’re a mama, you wear the hats of many, you’re a role model, an open ear, a warm cuddler, the in-house nutritionist, the uber driver, the laundry lady, and the list goes on.
And if you’ve got bigger kids you’re the one helping them transition into bright young adults, which mind you isn’t something easy to accomplish (heck! my young adult son is still leaving his towel on the bathroom floor!!).
It’s time to drop the mum guilt, because you’re one heck of an amazing woman!
You’ve been doing this job day in day out, and it’s time to give yourself some hardcore lovin’ and appreciate yourself for ALL that you do.
Drop the bullsh*t! Scrap the sh*tty narrative in your head and be trilled with your accomplishments… for god sakes woman you’ve literally grown and nurtured a human!!
Stop comparing yourself to others, in your children’s eyes you’re EVERYTHING and more.
I want you to grab a glass of champagne (or cup of tea) and celebrate yourself as you read this self-loving, ooey gooey blog, which covers off my fav ways to ditch the mum guilt and BEYOND!
// 1. Find YOURself
Hah! Remember yourself before your kids? Think back to your younger mind, soul and passions. Wowza what a different version of yourself, hey!?
I bet there were a few things you did in life before your lil cherubs arrived and brightened your life.
Maybe there was an activity or hobby that you loved with all your heart, but gave up on it after having children due to not having enough time or energy?
Well gorgeous, time to dial back the clock and find yourself again, write a list of all the things that used to bring you joy and dive back into those activities.
For me I used to love practicing yoga daily, but since having kids I gave up on this love putting it on the back-burner. But when my kids became teens and I found my new groove (and started prioritising time for me again), I picked it back up and fell back in love with yoga and I’m also doing pilates regularly now too.
// 2. Find YOUR tribe
I want to share this one quote I absolutely adore, “Life is all about finding people who are your kind of crazy”.
When you find the right group of friends or that one special best friend, you’ll never feel like you have to compete or be embarrassed sharing your insecurities with them, you’ll be totally comfortable and have each other’s back to get through any hard times.
Find a group of fabulous women (or even just one) who share the same values as you, who will build you up and be there for you in your darkest hours.
// 3. Ditch YOUR b*tchy friends
Following on from my last tip, it’s time to ditch the b*tches in your life.
Sorry to put it bluntly, but why do we continue to be friendly with people who possess such nasty, b*itchy and judgy ‘traits’?
You know the types of friends I mean? The ones who make you feel inadequate or bring out that nagging #mumguilt.
You ain’t got time for this pessimism. Trust me. You just don’t need people like this in your life any more, it’s time to get out the scissors and cut this negativity.
// 4. Practice YOUR self-care
I know, I know, I bang on about self-care all the time, but believe me mama it really works.
As someone who juggles a gazillion things at all times I know how powerful adding a bit of self-care into one’s routine is for the soul. So in my Life Sorted calendar, I make sure I have a self-care block every day to do something solely for me.
My current self-care routine? Puppers! Every afternoon my Life Sorted calendar sends me a notification reminder to walk my two beautiful Aussie Shepherds (you need to check out their supawmodel faces here @aiyla.and.skye).
Walking my two fur babies through the hinterland every day does absolute wonders for my mental health, it gives me the opportunity to be present (no phone) and also to reflect on the day and think about what needs to be set in motion the next day.
Confused on what the heck self-care is? Start here.
// 5. Lower YOUR expectations
As an ex-perfectionist myself I know all to well that it’s time to lower the bar to avoid disappointment in yourself.
Stop setting unrealistic expectations and goals on yourself, it’s not going to do you any favours and nothing is ever going to be perfect. Re-evaluate your time and what you can emotionally and physically handle.
As soon as you realise done is better than perfect, you’ll be free of your #mumguilt
So you don’t forget this tip after reading this blog, repeat to yourself (or write it down 5 times in your phone notes)…“Done is better than perfect!”.
// 6. Thank YOURself for showing up
Sometimes all you need to do is show up! And that is good enough in my books.
Showing up everyday, day in, day out spells consistency to me so thank yourself for always being there for your children.
Write ‘Thank you’ on a sticky note and stick it on your mirror or car dashboard to remind yourself everyday to be thankful for showing up.
Ditch the word ‘should’ from your vocabulary
Fastest way to ditch the nasty mum guilt? STOP saying SHOULD!! How many times a day do you catch yourself saying this word? A LOT, am I wrong?
The incessant negative feedback loop “I should have done this for my son” or “I should have gone to my daughters netball game”, it’s time to throw this verb out of your life!
// 7. Upskill or start YOUR side-hustle
When you’re a parent you’re a role model to your children.
Showing them that you’re taking the time to invest in yourself whether that be upskilling or starting a side-hustle around a burning passion, demonstrates hard work and grit which are great life-skills for your babes to see.
Two traits they can model into their own life, which ultimately will help influence them to become responsible hard working adults.
// 8. Work out when YOU’ll step in or step back
Being a mama is hard, some situations require you to step up and be a parent and other scenarios are best dealt with by you taking a step back and letting your kids learn some lessons.
Boy! This turns on the #mumguilt like nothing else, doesn’t it?
It’s natural to want to prevent bad things from happening to our children, but sometimes the best thing you can do is to trust and surrender. I know, stepping back and seeing our kids fail or wobble is undoubtedly one of the hardest things in the world to do.
Whatever situation you find yourself in with your children, think what’s best for them at the time, whether it’s stepping up and telling them what to do, or offering some life advice and letting them make their own choices.
Final thoughts…
And there you have it, some tips to help you banish mum guilt!
To the mothers who have lost children, to those who have lost their mother, to those with strained mother relationships, to mothers with strained children relationships, to those who have chosen not to be mothers and to those yearning to be mothers… I’m sending you my love and thinking of you deeply in my heart.
x Jo
